Updated: Mar 14, 2022
You desire a better life. Well, I want to share with you that you will not enjoy a better life if you keep holding on to the man or woman that is poisoning you with their toxicity. For some people, it is easy to end toxic relationships but for other people it is hard. I fall into the category that holds on way too long.
I'm not even going into what toxicity looks like because all human beings have a relationship with someone who is toxic. Toxic people are everywhere. We all know what it looks like. The toxic person can even be someone in your family: a spouse, father, mother, sister, brother, nephews, nieces, and cousins. I even know some toxic grandmothers. Don't think for a second that all grandmas are in the kitchen baking cookies and taking their grandchildren to church on Sunday. It is disheartening that the old days are gone. We need to get back to taking our children to Church. We don't want them to grow into toxic people.
Sometimes we have to deal with necessary endings. In Henry Cloud's book, Necessary Endings, he reveals:
It is not only endings that we must proactively execute that are problematic. There are also endings that are forced upon us, endings we do not choose but that we cannot work through very well either. As a result, we remain in pain or stuck, unable to pursue a new phase in life. These endings include divorce, being fired or laid off, death of a loved one, disintegration of a friendship, chronic illness, and so on. We do not choose these endings; they are thrust upon us by people we have trusted or sometimes by truly horrible events in life. If we are not prepared or have had too many losses before, these endings can render us broken, depressed, and floundering, sometimes for years. When we fail to end things well, we are destined to repeat the mistakes that keep us from moving forward.
Is someone in your life causing you constant pain? Are you not moving forward because you are holding on to someone who is holding you back?
Let me tell you: This is the story of my life! Not only have I had bad relationships with men that were abusive, I also have family members that did everything in their power to sabotage me. I could not move forward. I was stuck for a long time. I'm not placing the sole blame on them. I'm just saying that I allowed them to keep a foot on my neck. There were multiple feet on me. It was my fault though. I had the power to break free. I just didn't know how to use my power. It is important to use your power. How can you become who GOD called you to be when you give all your power away?
I want to be who GOD called me to be so I had to let some people go even though it broke my heart to do so. I love those people but it's time to love me. I can't let the dark cloud of oppression keep me down forever. I have to fight for what GOD promised me and protect my blessings. I'm not giving my power away anymore. I'm putting me first so I can eventually turn around and help others like me.
Here are 4 ways to end your toxic relationship because the truth is that relationships have the power to save lives or utterly destroy lives:
Create a safety plan. Do not confront your toxic person. If you confront him or her, be warm. Do not get angry. Control yourself. You don't want to provoke an unstable person. You don't want to confront an abusive partner who will harm you. If you are in an abusive relationship, create an escape plan. Leave when your partner is not around. Take your power back! Give yourself the power to end the relationship. Never confront an unstable person. You know who you are dealing with by now.
Say "NO." Toxic people love drama. They love to be hateful and mean all day long. When they want something from you or want you to do something that you don't want to do, say "no." I strongly advise you to say 'no" and stick to it.
Stay in contact. Remain in contact with healthy people in your life who'll encourage you to leave. You might even want to create a safety plan to escape that works with those healthy people who will help you with your necessary ending.
Seek professional help. Go into counseling. Call the police if you need to call them. Please do what you have to do to save yourself.
Let me reveal this little secret: I don't talk to everybody in my family. I learned the hard way that family can hurt you worse than anyone else on the planet. They know how to push your buttons. They know so many intricate details about you so don't be surprised when they twist truths into lies. If this is going on in your life with anyone, I say it is high-time for a necessary ending.
Please live an inspired life. You owe it to yourself. As good as GOD has been to me, I know I owe it to GOD. It's never too late to start.
Here I am engaging in inspired living!